You Already Have All You Need

Use Stoic meditations to change your perspective on happiness.

Sep 23, 2023

If you’ve ever sat for a moment with the intent to do absolutely nothing, you’ll know that it’s an impossibly hard thing to do.

Even if you manage not to scratch your nose or twitch your leg, your mind will be doing its own thing.

Thought after thought will be popping up in a never-ending flow.

You'll also notice your lack of control over the thoughts' contents, colour or shape.

Such is the nature of the mind: your rational self does not choose which thoughts arise, nor does it have the power to stop them.

Yet it’s from this flow of thoughts that we tend to shape our desires, beliefs and behaviours.

As I talked about in Focus on What You Can Control, if left unquestioned, this process can cause a lot of unnecessary suffering.

The Happiness Trap

We often believe happiness to be the fulfilment of our desires.

We imagine it as bridging the gap between where we currently are and where we want to be.

“If only I had a million dollars, I would be happy!”

This perspective is problematic though because it ignores something important about our psychology.

We tend to adapt very quickly to any new life circumstance.

Get that new shiny toy and you'll be super happy — until you're not. Soon enough, you'll get used to it and return to the happiness levels you were at before you got the toy.

Chasing happiness in this way is like walking towards a mirage in the desert; you walk and walk, yet the target of your desire is forever moving on the horizon.

So how can you avoid such traps?

Stoic Meditations

The Stoics believed the answer lies in taking regular steps back from daily life in order to better observe our beliefs and behaviours.

This is similar to other contemplative practices in that it calls for introspection.

Yet where things like mindfulness meditation tend to use physical sensations as its focusing device, Stoic meditation is based on the use of reason.

It harnesses the power of the mind to think in logical ways in order to gain new perspectives on life.

Here are three exercises that do just that.

Imagine Loss

Take a minute to imagine someone or something that is very important to you.

It could be your child, your closest friend, your favourite cup.

Now imagine that person gone, no longer part of your life. Imagine that cup smashed on your kitchen floor.

How does that make you feel?

Sit with it for a bit.

Doing this unpleasant act of imagination will invariably elicit deep gratitude within you.

The next time you see your child or your friend — or use your cup — bask in your feelings for them.

They are still very much a part of your life.

There Will Be a Last Time

Allow me to share an irrefutable fact.

For everything you love to do — play sports, listen to music, eat good food — there will come a time when you will be doing that thing for the last time.

There will come a time when, due to injury, deafness or death, you will no longer be able to do it.

And the kicker is, you have no way of knowing when that last time will be.

This goes for things you hate doing too.

There will come a time when you will change your baby's diaper or wash the dirty dishes for the last time.

So next time you're confronted with doing something — especially something you don't enjoy — take a moment to remind yourself that this could be your last time doing it.

You might never again get to experience the intimacy shared with your child or feel the running of water over your hands.

See how this new perspective changes your experience.

The Good Ol’ Days

Think back to a period in your life that you consider to be one of your happiest.

It could be you playing with your childhood friends, the early days of a romantic relationship, or the birth of your child.

Whatever period you choose, your past self was probably not aware that your future self would be looking back on it with a sense of fondness.

That's because, in that moment, you were just living life. It wasn't pure bliss; you were most likely confronted with challenging moments too.

Your friend didn't want to share toys with you; you and your romantic partner didn't have much money; your crying baby caused you plenty of sleepless nights.

Yet in spite of that, looking back, your chosen past life is one of your most precious memories.

Now use that logic and apply it to where you are today.

It is entirely possible that your future self will one day look back at the life you are now living with that same degree of fondness.

"No way", you say. "My life sucks!”

That might be true for you now.

Your future self might not look at it the same way.

They might look at your life now and say, "I was able to hear the birds sing.”

“How life was good!"

By thinking about things we'd rather not think about — the loss of a loved one, the ephemerality of time, our own mortality — these simple Stoic meditations bring enlightening perspectives into our lives.

They show us we don't have to blindly accept our thoughts and the desires they create, but that we have a choice.

We can choose to view happiness by recognising what we already have.

Again and again.