Connect to Your Presence

Don't be afraid to share your essence with those around you.

A couple of times since starting this newsletter, I’ve had bouts of being more active on Substack Notes. I’d write daily for a few weeks and then stop.

And what I noticed is that it’s easier to get more reactions to my Notes the longer I’ve been posting. I guess that makes sense: building up a rhythm increases the chances of reactions, which then increase the eyeballs new Notes get.

Being seen on social media means posting regularly.

Yet, in real life, you don’t have to continually speak in order to be seen. You can just be.

And so I wrote this Note to try and capture this idea:

It resonated with a lot of you, which got me to thinking more about what it actually means to be present.

What is presence?

I feel like presence is much like that quip about porn: you know it when you see it.

To me, it’s what I feel when I’m in someone’s physical presence. It’s their body language, the space they take up, how they take up that space, their smell, their warmth, the tone of their voice.

It’s an invisible aura that you feel deeply; and it’s the thing you miss the most when the person is gone.

I then came across this Note by

Mitra Solara

, which made me say ‘yes, that’s it’.

Although Mitra is talking about the masculinity and feminine here, the symbolism of the tree really spoke to me. That’s how I understand presence.

See, a tree stands in silence, yet it's roots reach through the soil, connecting it with the multitude of other organisms in its vicinity. It’s anchored in place, yet malleable enough to move in the wind.

As it grows in age, it sees many different seasons.

Some seasons are of plenty and others are of hardship. Yet, through it all, it keeps growing. As Mitra wrote, it creates shade for us and feeds us with its fruit.

A tree doesn’t speak, but it is very much there.

Presence in the Age of Social Media

If presence is not about speaking all the time, how can we then make sense of it in the context of our digital lives?

Online communication is very binary. It centers around having something to say — and we either say something, or we don't. As I found out with Notes, I either have to keep writing them to be seen or I fade away.

But what about the other aspects of our presence?

What about our body language, our warmth, our smell, our eye-contact — our being?

I love the internet — I find it awesome to be able to write this to you. But I wonder if we’re not, in the process, losing the richness of each others presence.

For example, what would it be like if you and I were face to face right now?

What would we learn about each other, and about ourselves?

Be like a tree

I don’t know you but I do know one thing.

Your presence, the space you take up in in this world, is powerful. Just like a tree, you can be safety and stability to another human being.

Your presence has the power to protect them from the challenges of life and feed them with the love they need.

So, remember this: You are far more than the words you say or the texts that you write.

You are you in your entirety.

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