The space between comfort and becoming

Navigating that uncomfortable space between who you are and who you want to become.

I’m dealing with a lot of uncertainty right now but I’m grateful for it.

Last autumn, I quit a salaried job — even turned down a permanent contract — and started to work for myself.

Since then, I’ve been tutoring children and adults in English. I’ve also been ‘coaching’ a few clients. (More on why I’m putting coaching in speech marks below).

Overall, things have gone well:

I managed to get the word out, my clients have told me repeatedly how happy they are to have met me and I’ve been in control of my time.

The thing is, at some point along the way, I got comfortable doing what I was doing.

The thing I actually set out to pursue — helping people through meaningful conversations — dissipated into the background.

The tutoring became safe and familiar.

It became my comfort zone.

Now, back to why I put ‘coach’ in speech marks.

I have an ambiguous relationship towards the word.

It triggers my imposter syndrome into overdrive — after all, who am I to guide another human being through their own uncertainties, challenges and doubt?

To me, the word implies that I have it all figured out, which cannot be further from the truth.

(Notice that these are entirely self-imposed limitations).

Rather, what I set out to become was a conversation partner for others.

To drift into meaningful conversations with them and, by way of asking genuine questions, help them find some clarity.

Because, to me, it’s not about having the answers; it’s about exploring questions that actually matter.

And in my case, the question at the top of my mind is:

What are my self-imposed limitations protecting me from, and how can I find the strength and compassion to move through them?

With the summer holidays now a couple of weeks away, I’m forced to face reality: My tutoring students will be out for the next two months and with them, my comfortable path.

I now have to figure out what I will do next and I have no idea how things will pan out. I have zero certainties.

None, zilch, nada.

But, and this may surprise you, that’s why I’m grateful for it.

The uncertainty is destroying the illusion that I can wait forever.

It’s forcing me into action.

Yes, I’m worried but accepting this uncertainty is tapping into a powerful source, one that is demanding me to step up. It’s imbuing my soul with an idea I wrote about recently, that no one is coming to save me, but myself.

Am I willing to take the difficult steps required to live the life I want to live?

It’s now up to me to answer that challenge.

And so I leave you with a question:

What’s something you want to pursue but keep postponing because it’s too comfortable to do so?

Till next time,

Ben

ps. If this resonated with you, feel free to reply to this email or DM me. I genuinely enjoy hearing from you.