The journey to who you already are

When I was around five or six, my mother remarried.

The man she got married to already had two older daughters from a previous marriage. I didn’t see them much when I was growing up; they were much older than me.

But in our new blended family, there was still a clear demarkation line. On one side, them and, on the other, my two siblings and me.

Fast-forward to years later and I was a teenager, the last remaining child in the house.

During this time, one of my step-sisters would often visit the house to see her father. She was going through a tough time; she was battling alcoholism and had had a child with an abusive man.

I stayed out of this situation but I could see what was happening.

Anyway, during one of these visits, my step-sister must have had an argument with her father because she came upstairs to where I was watching TV.

She was clearly troubled enough that I joined her on the terrace where she was smoking a cigarette.

It was night out but not cold.

We must have spent a good hour or two there, my step-sister who I had never really spoken to, and me.

I don’t recall what we spoke about but I do remember one thing she said to me at the end.

“Ben, you’re a good listener. Thank you for listening to me.”

That moment has stayed with me all these years later. It was the first time someone had told me that I was good at something when I was just being myself.

I wasn’t trying to do anything. To be anyone.

I just was there with her during what, I suspect, was a difficult moment.

And she felt that.

In many ways, what I’m building now is a continuation of that journey — of discovering my essence — that my step-sister helped me start all those years ago.

I feel what I have within, even if I can’t (yet, at least) put it into clear words. I know it’s there.

Maybe you know what I’m talking about.

Maybe you feel your essence too. Maybe you know it intimately or maybe you’ve only felt it ever so slightly.

But it’s there.

It’s your power, your vital energy that you can choose to let radiate into the lives of those around you.

And I, for one, really hope you do.

Till next time,

Ben

P.S. If this resonated with you, write back to me and let me know. I’d love to hear from you!