A Letter to My Younger Self

If you could write a letter to you as a child, what would you say?

Photo by Mitchell Griest on Unsplash

My dear younger self,

As I sit down and write these words to you, you’re a young boy who’s on the cusp of starting the long journey towards adulthood.

I know you have many questions about the world, so I feel it important to tell you things that might help make sense of your growing confusion.

Firstly, let me reassure you that your feelings are completely normal. Everyone has unsettling emotions.

Despite what you’ve been led to believe, life is not what you see on TV and on the internet. If you think that some people are immune to self-doubt, then they’re just good actors.

What I’m trying to tell you is that you are not alone in feeling what you feel, so please don’t ever think that you are.

It may not seem it to you right now, but your feelings are an integral part of your life-long journey of discovery—a journey you are now undertaking.

This may sound incredibly daunting, but it will get incrementally easier with time, I promise. You will learn as you go.

So my advice to you is to try not to worry about it too much.

I know that you are, like me (after all, it runs in the family), predisposed to worry. Sometimes things will seem extremely hard—and some days impossible even—but trust me on this.

Anxiety, impatience, frustration, anger and jealousy are not worth it.

Above all, please don’t ever let hate into your life.

In the decades-long painful bickering that followed your parents divorce, I got to see the effects of dwelling on hate. I got to see how allowing it to stew in the bowls of your stomach is like imposing a bitterness that imprisons your soul.

But let me tell you, this poisonous pattern had nothing to do with you. You were just hapless bystander to the transfer of trauma through generations, just like your Mum had been a victim before you.

Maybe you will come to hate her for some of the things she put you through, but please find it in your heart to not blame her.

She was too young when she had you. She never took the space and time needed to make sense of her experiences and to come to terms with who she was. Your Mum is a tough woman who unfortunately never learnt how to express her deepest emotions.  

As a result, she reacted the only way she knew how—with anger.

As you know, that anger all too often erupted into outbursts that I wish you’d hadn’t seen. Try to understand that her anger was borne out of a lack of control, out of a lack of understanding.

Beneath it all, at its root, was fear.

I know that your life experiences haven’t been conducive to instill that fearlessness in you, but you have something equally powerful. You have an amazing, kind and generous heart.

Focus on the beauty you have to give. The world is waiting for it.

Take every day as it comes, and try to savour each one.

Don’t be afraid of being alone; be selfish; work on yourself. Take care of your health and establish your boundaries.

Step out into the world and the world will reward your courage amply. 

Many days will be tremendously difficult — some days everything will click. Learn to roll with them without getting too many bruises.

Life, in the most basic sense, is simple.

We’re all living-beings who are here on this planet for a limited time, each and every one of us trying to make sense of it.

There’s no shame in sharing experiences of our visit.

So don’t ever be afraid to talk, and especially to think about ‘deep’ stuff. Society may not encourage it, but please don’t forget to speak your truth as you see it.

Never stop talking about ideas over talking about things. Experiences are more important than possessions.

Above all, don’t dwell on the past. Turn your attention firmly to the future. Take that leap of faith into the unknown. 

The world is an unspeakably beautiful place full of amazing people, people who have taught me profound ways of seeing.

The world will will teach you too, if you are receptive to it.

Whereas hate eats away at you from the inside, love and compassion will make you grow outwards towards the light.

Choose love.

Choose the light.

As for me, I hope you can forgive me for not always being there for you.

I’m here for you now,

Your older self.

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